Yesterday, I got on the phone with my coach.
(Sidebar: Yes, life coaches need their own coach just as much as anyone! I know that working with a coach will take me to my next level, so why wouldn’t I have one?!).
I told him I want to work on my persistent thought that “I have no time”.
For as long as I can remember, I have always always felt that I didn’t have enough time to do everything I wanted to do. I constantly felt a low-level franticness, arising from the thought that my life was disappearing before my eyes, and that I had to “Quick! Make the most of every single second!”
Now, here’s the thing. I KNEW that in reality, I have plenty of time. Way way way more time to myself than most people. And yet I STILL felt like time was incredibly scarce.
So I tell my coach, and he says: “Megan, the reason we hold onto a persistent complaint is because there is a mental PAYOFF.”
I considered this. Eventually I said that my mental payoff is that I can let myself off the hook if I don’t reach my goals, because I can always tell myself: “I didn’t have time to do the things I NEEDED TO DO to reach my goal”.
Then he said: “Now Megan. The complaint doesn’t Just have a payoff. It also has a COST. So what do you think this thought is costing you?”
I said: “Well…when I’m doing something, I’m not really present for it… because I’m thinking about the other things I want to get done.”
And he said: “OK. [long pause]
“So do you actually SEE that this is COSTING you?”
And I kind of shrugged and said: “Yes.”
And he said: “Really Megan?! Do you? [Pause.] Do you actually SEE, that your thought “I don’t have enough time”, is Ruining your life? That it’s seeping its way into every single area of your life and robbing you of being present to your LIFE? Do you SEE that when you’re playing with your son, you’re not really there with him? Do you SEE that when you’re having dinner with your husband, that you’re not really there with him either?”
And he was right. Before, when I had said I saw it, I hadn’t really seen it. Because I was IN it…I was like a fish in water. It just felt NORMAL for my mind to be elsewhere while I was doing something.
But I could finally see it for myself, and it brought tears to my eyes. Thanks to my coach, I could finally SEE that this belief “There’s not enough time” was actually costing me the very thing I was worried about: my life passing me by.
So I made a decision to give up the complaint.
I decided to create the possibility of being a Peaceful Powerhouse.
Yesterday, I made dinner while playing with my family, and I didn’t listen to a podcast while I was doing it, which I used to do. I was present to enjoying cooking, hearing my little boy laughing, and my husband including me in playtime.
And today I planned my work, and I worked my plan. When it was time to be with my family, I was there with my family. And when it was time to work, I got down to work. I know that as long as I plan my work and work my plan, there IS time for everything.
At points I still feel the low-level franticness, and it won’t disappear overnight. But whenever it creeps back in, I just intentionally remind myself that I’m a Peaceful Powerhouse, and I take the actions from That place.