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“My boss hates me!”


How your THOUGHTS create your RESULTS, and what you can do about it.


When I was in one of my first jobs, I had a boss whose expectations of me were WAY beyond my capabilities at the time (in terms of both hard and soft skills).

I dreaded going to work every day. My predominant thoughts were: “My boss hates me. I suck at this.”

One time, he told me explicitly that I had to go TALK to the CFO of the small company we were auditing, to ask them some audit questions. (The CFO’s desk was down the hallway from where we were working).

He told me to stop emailing, and walk over and talk to him because this CFO had been duly ignoring my emails, and we needed to make progress on my section of the file.

I sat there, paralyzed. I had the thoughts that I sucked at my job, that I had no idea what was going on, ever, and that this CFO was going to eat me alive and make me feel totally idiotic.

So I did some other busy work.


And I didn’t go talk to the CFO. I just sent him another email.


AND not only did I not talk to the CFO, I didn’t even tell my manager that I hadn’t.


To break this down: I had the THOUGHT “I suck at this!” The thought made me FEEL totally powerless and incompetent. The ACTION I took was to avoid.


Can you see what happened here?


I had the thought “I suck at this”, and then I ACTUALLY SUCKED AT IT, in real life.


I acted totally incompetent! (I probably also made my manager hate me, because forget his expectations, I wasn’t even doing what he asked me to do!)

Now, imagine in an alternate universe, I had had some coaching tools. I might have been able to SEE my thought, and question how it was getting me the results I had.

I could have come up with, and practiced a new thought. Maybe something like: “I can figure this out.” Or “This is totally doable.”


That would have given me a feeling of power.


I might have actually talked to my manager about not knowing what to ask the CFO, and asked for his help. I might have reached out to a peer for help on what to say. I might have done a million more productive things than what I actually did.

And one way or another, I would have FIGURED IT OUT.

This is how ultimately, our thoughts that create our results.

THAT’s why coaching is so powerful. You start to see your thoughts. Once you see them, you realize they’re just thoughts. They lose their stranglehold on you, and you can get to work on new thoughts that SERVE you.


But it takes something to see your own thoughts, to discover the ways they unconsciously shape your actions and get you your results.


Ask yourself: where are you getting results you don’t want? What THOUGHTS are creating those results?


Take five minutes. Write down the thoughts. Or have a conversation with someone else (not yourself!) about them.


Your thoughts are just thoughts. They are not The Truth. And SEEING your thoughts, instead of letting them play on a loop, is the first step to transformation.

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